Sharing

I remember that moment of joy and sense of achievement when my first pregnancy was confirmed. However, while on my way home in the evening drizzle, I was somewhat troubled over this question, "Will I be a good mother?" Suddenly, I realized I was not quite ready for baby.

Ready for baby or not, I eventually went on to have two sons, despite being categorized as "sub-fertile". As I work on this site, memories of raising my two boys came often into my mind. Motherhood has its joy and pain, but my sons are the best things that have ever happened to me. My life has been profoundly touched, enriched and brighten by them.

As my children grow, I learn that parenting is a demanding job that covers a broad spectrum of responsibilities. Besides having to deal with the pertinent issues of their health, development, nutrition, discipline and education, there are many other miscellaneous matters to attend to. They range from mundane stuff like child proofing the house, arranging for extra child-care help in emergencies, considering working part-time instead of full-time, to more serious concerns, like getting sufficient insurance coverage for the family, getting a Will done, and so on. The list is endless.

The more I'm into building this site, the more intense my desire to sound out to you the need to get ready for baby. Parenthood is a major event in life and worthy enough for your attention to be prepared for it.

Of course, most of us learn by trials and errors as we navigate the path of parenthood, and no amount of education in the world is enough to prepare you for this job. Yet, wouldn't it be good to be able to catch a glimpse into the world of raising children, and get ready for baby when he comes?

Changes, Challenges and Choices

You will fall in love with baby when he comes into your life and will do all you can to meet his needs. However, the novelty of having a new baby can wear off rather quickly if you only have a romanticised idea of motherhood. It is not lovey dovey all the way.

Motherhood (and parenthood) can be summarized into three words, "Changes", "Challenges" and "Choices".

You can anticipte changes in your life when you start thinking about the future and know that you'll be assuming more adult responsibilities later on. These changes will affect your roles and relationships with others around you.

Challenges come in the form of learning new parental skills, having to provide direct care for your baby, balancing parenting and job demands, adjusting your social involvement, rearranging your budget etc.

You will develop new perspectives in life, causing you to make new choices and set new priorities.

So be prepared, enter into motherhood with your eyes open. Begin asking yourself tough questions on whether you're ready to have a baby.

Let's go through the check list on getting ready for baby together.

Are you ready to have a baby yet?

Motherhood is mentally and emotionally taxing. In order to get ready for baby, you have to first get mentally and emotionally ready yourself.

Ask yourself honestly:

"Is this what I really want now?"
"What are my beliefs, ambitions and priorities in life?"
"Am I ready for the inconveniences of motherhood?"
"How much time am I willing to sacrifice for my baby?"
"Do I have the energy for the emotional commitment to raise a child?

Almost every woman is exhilarated and awed at the birth of her baby. The sad truth is, after some years, some mothers (and fathers) wish they have never had children!

Let's face it, it is entirely inconvenient to be a parent! Parental duties and responsibilities often clash with your personal desires and ambitions. You will be more ready for baby if you can accept this truth and accommodate changes in your goals and priorities.

Rather than ending up in parental discontent years later thinking that your baby is in your way, think through the above questions objectively now. You'll be a better parent when you know you're emotionally ready for baby.

How does your family background affect you?

Your past experiences with your parents would certainly have an impact on how you would raise your child. Do you have a loving relationship with them or have you been intentionally or unintentionally hurt by them in any way?

Getting ready for baby also involves working out some of your own negative childhood memories. Hurt and abuse need not be physical, it can be emotional. Hurting childhood memories can impede your effectiveness as a parent if you can't lay them to rest.

Most people are not ready for baby when they become parents. Many well-meaning parents do not intentionally hurt their children. However the lack of parenting skills in discipline does. When parents use anger and disapproval to restrain their children, it is hard for them to interpret such actions as love.

Every child needs concrete expressions of love. They need to feel loved and not just vaguely know that they are loved. It is so much easier to correct a child who feels loved, than one who feels resentful.

If the only training you'd received as a child was scolding and disapproval, you may have difficulty expressing love to your own children in the future.

Before you become a mother, it is good for you to spend some time working out your emotional baggages. Try to come to terms with the past.

Know that whatever types of parents you may have, you can still learn from them. You can either look up to them as your role-models or take them as your reverse role-models. If they are your role-models, you can follow their wisdom in positive parenting. If they are your reverse role-models, try to avoid the mistakes they made. You don't have to be imprisoned by bad childhood experiences. The choice is yours. Indeed you have the chance to break this vicious cycle of ineffective parenting.

No one can be a perfect parent. But we all can be a better parent if we work hard at it. Self-awareness is the first step towards that goal.

I would like to recommend this book, "How to Really Love Your Child" by Dr. Ross Campbell. It offers tremendous insight into raising emotionally stable and happy children and helps you get ready for baby.

Becoming a mother can affect your relationships with others. You'll need to look at all the important relationships around you as you begin to contemplate this journey.

Relationship with Your Spouse

Needless to say, you two will have less time for each other as you learn to grapple with your new parenting role and care for your baby. You two will have to seriously discuss about the support you expect from each other, the shared responsibilities of caring for baby and helping about the house.

You may find your spouse disagreeable at this stage. Conflicting views that did not surface earlier may suddenly crop up to surprise you. Both of you may have different parenting styles, stemmed from different attitudes and values because you were raised in different families with different backgrounds and perhaps religious beliefs.

Wouldn't it be good for you and your spouse to sit down now and probe this topic on child raising before you become parents? You'll navigate the paths ahead more easily if you trash out possible differences now. Otherwise, It would be disastrous to find wide irreconcilable differences later on.

Relationship with Your Friends

You may find a closer bond with friends who have children, and a gap and strain in your relationship with friends who are single, or who are married but still childless.

Explain to them that having a new baby doesn't change who you are; it adds a new dimension to your life and because of increased responsibilities, you may not have the time to do as many things with them as before.

Relationship with Your Parents and In-laws

Grandparents would be as excited as you, new parents. However, it would be presumptous of you to think that your newly promoted status to parenthood would put you on par with them. They are a rank higher than you, mind you. They are grandparents now. They're more experienced and would inadvertently intervene in the way both you and your spouse would want to raise your kids.

Be prepared to tread cautiously here, not to hurt their feelings when you dislike their suggestions while asserting your rights to raise your children your way. But they do often have gems of wisdom to share.

Pregnancy is physically taxing and demanding on your body.

Getting ready for baby physically means examining your lifestyle now, deciding what is good for your baby and what is not. It means making changes and adjustments in your lifestyle while you're trying to conceive, or for a healthier pregnancy if you're already pregnant. Health begins from the womb.

Home safety is imperative for a child's well-being. Is your home safe and ready for baby? Have you child-proof your home? Would you consider it safe haven or a hazardous zone? How old is it? Do you need to do any repair anywhere? Do you have any lead paint? Are smoke detectors installed in your house? These are but some of the questions you should ask yourself as you examine your house for safety hazards.

While you're checking your house, you might like to check your car too. Yes, you'll have to get your car ready for baby too. Ask yourself, "What type of car is it? Can a proper baby seat be installed in your car? How old is it?" Fix the problems if there are.

No matter how independent you have been all your life, you'll be overwhelmed with new worries as a new mother.

The first few weeks with baby is especially difficult. You may find him crying incessantly while you desperately try to recognize his needs. Your tiredness is compounded as your own body is recovering from childbirth. The fatigue combined with varying degree of post-natal depression can make the practical problems of caring for a new baby as well as running a household seem insurmountable. You'll certainly need someone to help you around the house at this crucial time of adjustment.

You have to get ready for baby by arranging and planning for extra help before you bring baby home. If you can afford it, it is good to get a part-time helper to help clean up the house. If you have helpful in-laws, friends and other relatives, accept their help too.

Make as few demands on yourself as possible during this period. Rest adequately and have nourishing meals, only then will you be able to enjoy your baby and attend to his needs.

If you already have other children, get them ready for baby too.

If you're already pregnant, it is important to prepare your other children to welcome the new baby into the family. If you're planning to have another baby, sound out your idea to your children first and get their approval and support to minimize sibling rivalry in the future.

Offer age-specific information to them. Tell them what they're asking for and not more than they are ready to handle.

However, listen to the message behind their words and not just the words alone. For example, your five-year old daughter may ask, "Will the baby take over my room?" when in fact she is asking, "Will you still love me then?" Reassure her that each child is unique and dear to you.

Think of all ingenious ideas to prepare your older children to accept the idea of a new baby, such as bringing them to visit the nursery, showing them videos, etc. When referring to baby, say, "Our baby" and not "My baby". Sufficiently movtivated, they would be hankering you to quickly produce a baby brother or sister, or bring him or her home if you've already given birth to baby.

Be ready for baby also by checking out your benefits, entitlements and policies of the place you work in.

For example, do check out your employer's leave policy carefully. While you may be entitled to maternity leave, your employer may not be obliged to pay you while you're away.

If this is the case, you should check up on your various insurance coverages. Find out whether you are covered by any short-term disability insurance that provides maternity coverage.

Do you have a medical insurance coverage that include pregnancy and maternity care? Find out whether it covers pregnancy checkups, delivery and baby care. Examine how much you have to pay out of your pocket for the deductibles and co-pays. Check also to see if your choice of doctors and hospital are on the list of providers allowed by the insurer.

If you find that the health plans in your present employment do not include maternity coverage, you may have to switch to a new health insurance policy during the open-enrollment period.

Also check out what are your maternity rights under the law in your country. In some countries, even your spouse is entitled to some form of paternity leave and benefits.

It is wise to get to know the general policies of your workplace and that of your spouse's before you get pregnant. If you're already pregnant, it is not too late still. You can buy supplement insurance policies for yourself if what is provided at your work place is sufficient.

While you're at it, also check up on the availablility of any job-sharing or flexi-time options at your work place. You'll never know how long you have to stay away from work after child birth because complications and exigencies may arise.

Have you checked your bank account?

The joys and rewards of having a baby cannot be measured in dollars, but a new baby does come with a high price tag.

Birth Cost

A normal vaginal delivery costs about $4,500. A cesarean delivery can go up to about $8,500. If complications arise, such as a very ill or premature baby, you may incur hundreds of thousands of dollars. Clearly, adequate health insurance is important.

Baby Equipment and Supplies

There is almost always an impulse to overspend in outfitting the nursery especially if you're a first time mom. Resist that urge. Try to differentiate between basic items that you'll need from fanciful items that you wish to have. Among the necessary stuff are; a crib or co-sleeper, changing table, clothes, dispers, a car seat, a stroller and a few toys.

A baby outgrows everything very quickly so you don't have to get all things brand new. Paying full price for everything is a waste of money. To save a few dollars, you can ask or borrow these items from friends or relatives. You can also buy some bargains at secondhand stores or yard sales. Trust me, your baby won't know the difference and will not complain.

Milk

Formula milk is pretty expensive, not to mention that you'll have to get milk bottles, incur increased energy costs due to washing and sterilizing those bottles. You'll save money if you choose to breastfeed your baby.

Breastfeeding also brings along a host of health benefits to you and your baby, such as building his immunity, reducing your risk of breast cancer and helping you lose weight.

That being said, bottle-feeding does have its advantages too, particularly the fact that other members of the family can take turns to feed the baby, and the convenience and ease of feeding him in public places.

Baby and Child Care Cost

If you're a working mom, finding good, reliable and affordable baby care when you're returning to work may be a hassle if you haven't planned ahead. Options available are day care, having a live-in nanny or putting your baby in a baby sitter's house. You may be able to find helpful friends or relatives who are willing to watch your baby for a reduced fee. Otherwise, you may have to plan to reduce work hours, job-share or even resign when your baby arrives.

Miscellaneous Costs

Other than the above stated, you'll also spend on education, enrichment programmes, entertainment, medical, travel, so on and so forth as your baby grows.

Last but not least, finanicial readiness also mean getting a Will done in the course of time.

Budgetting

Are you having cold feet now?

Don't worry, you don't need to be a millionaire to raise a child. You only need prudence and planning. Think about it, if you never have children, you would be spending on other things, perhaps a more luxurious lifestyle, expensive clothings and dinning out and travelling more frequently. Parenthood will not impoverish you, it will only change your spending habits, naturally.

For sound financial planning, management and readiness, try your hand at budgeting now. You may also like to start a baby fund before you're pregnant. Consciously set aside an amount every month for your future baby-related expenses. Trust me, you'll make it too.

Because of the increase in divorce rates, people are beginning to question the necessity of marriage. More and more men and women favor cohabitation before marriage to test thier compatibility.

Many think that if two people are happy together, then that should be enough. They shouldn't be bound by any legal structures.

Though it is true that not all marriages last, if you choose marriage over cohabitation, you would have chosen a better opportunity for an enduring relationship and the best beginning for your future offspring/s.

A legal structure to a relationship guarantees their safe upbringing and offers them more security and emotional stability in the long run.

Cohabitation implies that two adults are unsure of their commitment to each other. They intend to bail out when things are rough because they've left the backdoor open all the time. On the other hand, people who dare to make the marriage vow are committed to working out a unique relationship that is strong and secured.

While cohabitation encourages independence, marriage encourages interdependence. Married couples are more motivated to help and support each other emotionally and financially, thus creating a more secured environment to raise children.

Married couples also have a better network of mutual friends, in-laws, grandparents and other relatives, who are able to provide beneficial emotional, social and economic help and support in times of need.

Children raised in stable families with parents who are happily married have the best chance for success in life. With parental support, they are less likely to be poor and less likely to perform badly in school or exhibit behavioral problems.

Marriage is indeed an important consideration when you seriously want to have a baby. Get ready for baby by registering your marriage.

Return from Ready For Baby to Getting Pregnant Tips